


Summer Love

by PoeDameronImagines (Mallymkun)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Reader-Insert, soon much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7643023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallymkun/pseuds/PoeDameronImagines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You meet Poe Dameron on your home planet, which is also home to a Resistance training base. Nothing goes how you wanted it to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Summer romances had never been your thing. Your mother had warned you about boys with bright smiles and warm eyes. She had told you that they seemed nice enough, but would always leave you. You always assumed your mother said that because she was hurt, because she was left alone with you; she was left by a man with warm eyes and sandy hair who had shown her how to smile and then ripped her heart out when he left. You had no reason to believe it would happen to you. 

You were eighteen. Now it seemed so silly looking back on it, you were young and stupid. You were in love. 

He was beautiful. His very being lit up the room, and he radiated strength and confidence like you had never seen before. He wasn’t intimidating though, his eyes held a soft light and his voice was even and inviting. 

He was only on your planet for his flight training, and that’s when you should have known. As soon as you told your friends they told you that you should never fall for a pilot, because one day they would leave you staring up at the stars with a broken heart. You refused to listen, he wasn’t like that. Your Poe would never hurt you. 

 

The first date was awkward and wonderful. 

You had decided to take him to your city’s open market. The shouts of vendors filled the streets, and he clung to you so he wouldn’t get lost in the mass of people. You took him over to the booth of your family friend, using the bright paints they left out to paint the traditional summer festival designs on his face. He was so young then, his face free of stress and his mind lacking the images of death and destruction that faced him in the future. He had complained that the paints itched, but refused to take them off, saying that your creation was beautiful. 

“Where should we go next, princess?” You had blushed at his nickname. 

“To the shoreline. There’s dancing there.” His face had lit up at the mention of music and you had rushed there, giggling like children skipping out on class.

When you had reached the area you had spoken of he had immediately asked you to dance. You were still shy, barely knowing him, and tripped over your feet, but he was a great partner. You would later grow to love his dancing. He was always so musical, his movements seemed to be a part of the music, and on the rare occasion he would sing, you would swear that you would be happy never hearing another sound. 

He had bid you goodnight at your door, kissing your hand with a sheepish grin. He was ever the gentleman. Your mother shook her head as you walked to your room, head in the clouds. She only wished she could prevent what was sure to happen. 

 

You went on several dates after that, and slowly they started to blend into one. He would sneak out from the barracks at night and meet you in the trees where you would string up a hammock, and he would hold you until the sun peeked out from behind the hills. 

You spent an equal amount of time beside the ocean, showing him animals in the tide pools and splashing in the shallow water, letting the waves wash sand up to cover your feet and root you in place. 

He was always so soft with you, so caring, and his hands moved beautifully over your body. His lips met your skin in a prayer, a plea that this would stay, that what you had would last forever. 

And for a while, it seemed as if it would. 

 

The day he met you at the beach for the last time was a fittingly gray one. The clouds blocked the sun, and the water seemed colder than usual. You had waited for him at the water’s edge, letting it reach in long tendrils for your toes before it receded back along the sand. You had hoped that seeing him would brighten this dark day. 

“He is my sun,” you would tell your friends, “and I am his stars.” 

When he arrived he was in his flight uniform. You had only ever seen him in it once, when you had visited the base, but other than that he had made an effort to keep that part of his life separate. He sat beside you on the shore, looking at the horizon in thought. 

“Poe?” You had asked, your eyes darting from the place where the water and the sky were warring against each other and back to your lover. 

He turned to look at you, a sad smile resting at the corners of his mouth and eyes. “Why do you think we met? Was it a higher power? Chance?” He asked, studying your face. 

“I think that sometimes we meet people simply because our souls know we should meet.” He nodded and looked back out at the water. 

“And what if the world didn’t want them to be together? What if life was against them?” 

You thought for a moment, turning his hand over in yours and tracing the lines on his palm. “Life is about fighting for what you want, Poe.” You mused, “You know that better than anyone.” 

Poe sighed, and you could see the tears reflecting the light, “This isn’t a fight we’re going to win.” 

You frowned, “What do you mean? I don’t understand.” 

“I’m leaving in three days.” 

It seemed as if your world had stopped. 

“But you told me- you said-” You couldn’t seem to get out a full sentence. You dropped his hand standing up. “You promised me, Poe. You promised that you weren’t leaving for at least another year.” 

Poe stood up, grabbing your shoulders in an attempt to comfort you. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

“You told me you wouldn’t leave, that you wouldn’t be like him, and now you’re flying off without so much as a weeks notice.” You pushed his hands away, wrapping your arms around yourself, “And I thought you loved me.” You whispered. 

“I-I, Y/n” He stuttered. 

You shook your head, “Was this a joke to you? A summer fling that you would brush off your shoulders and joke with your buddies about?” You asked, starting to shake. “You took everything from me, I let you have everything. You took every moment of my days, I spent all my time thinking of you, I was yours, and now you’re going to leave me!” You cried, tears falling steadily down your cheeks. 

“Y/N-” He reached out once again, but you jerked away. 

“Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me.” You snapped. You took a deep breath, looking at him for what felt like the last time. His hair was sticking up at all angles from where he had run his hands through it. His eyes were filled with tears, and his expression was one of a man who had been put through the worst kinds of torture. “I wish you the best, Poe Dameron.” You whispered. “You will make a fine pilot. I hope you find nothing but happiness in your life.” 

And then you walked away. 

 

Everyone from your city had gathered at the edge of the hangers to watch the pilots who had been training take off. It was easy enough to spot Poe, you knew him like the back of your hand. You recognized his walk and body language right away. He had climbed up into the cockpit and your could tell he was not the slightest bit nervous. He loved flying; he loved the thrill and the freedom. He would make a great pilot. 

He didn’t look back at you, didn’t try and find you in the crowd of people, but as he left you could feel something in your chest fade. It was as if a piece of you had been pulled away, stretched too far until the line broke and the piece slowly melted and dissolved in the water. You felt an emptiness. 

You would try your hardest to forget Poe Dameron. It became hard though; you saw his face on posters, and in reports from the resistance to your planet. You ached to be held by him, but you knew that it would never happen. 

The girls in your city spoke of him constantly. They would talk about him in hushed voices, giggling when someone mentioned his looks. 

These same girls had never turned their head to look at him more than once when he had been your Poe. They hadn’t cared when he was young, and baby faced. They had ignored him before his confidence and innocence turned to bravado and experience. You had loved the boy, and they sought after the man. 

Yet a part of you still wanted him. A part of you knew that you would never find one to love now that the boy with warm eyes and a sheepish smile had stolen your heart.

You wanted to hate him for it. 

But you knew you never could.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So there is a tw for minor character death in this chapter, just to warn you.

You smiled at the feeling of your heart beating hard against your chest. Your face was turned up to face the sun as music filled the streets of your city. Your hair had been twisted into an elegant series of braids by your friend, and you wore one of your favorite dresses. 

You felt the freedom that had once been ripped away from you return and fill your body.

The streets were completely packed with people, all there to celebrate the Resistance and the pilots being sent off to fight. You could see young men in uniforms flirting with girls in the street. You saw him in everyone of them, but you wouldn’t let it bother you, today was your day. 

A hand found its way to rest against your lower back, “I’ll be back in a moment!” Kane yelled over the noise before pushing his way into the crowd. You watched him go with a faint smile before making your way in the opposite direction. Kane wouldn’t mind if he couldn’t find you; you knew that he was only there so that he wouldn’t feel guilty. 

When you reached the square, you were delighted to see the people dancing and you were quickly pulled into the line by a friend. Laughter spilled from your lips and you threw your head back as you twirled before stepping across the circle with the rest of the girls to clasp hands with a partner. The line continued, passing each girl to a new partner every so often. You made your way down the line, allowing yourself to get lost in the music and be dipped down low by different men, some in resistance uniforms and others in the garments common to your city. You were passed on to another set of waiting arms and continued to twirl until you were face to face with your new partner. 

You jumped back like you had been burned. 

Warm brown eyes stared deeply into yours, asking a million questions at once, and you didn’t know the answer to any of them. 

You turned, pushing your way through the crowd. It had been almost five years, what made him think he could show up like this? What made him think that he could look at you like that? You wanted to run until you forgot his face, but you knew it would never happen; you had tried before. 

You eventually ran into someone, and looked up to see, Kane, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes as he reached to steady you. 

“What’s wrong? Why were your running?” You couldn’t seem to answer him. Everything you had pushed away into a small corner of your mind was suddenly let loose. Every memory of that summer, of how it felt to love him, was coming back. 

“Y/N!” You didn’t turn to look at Poe as he came up behind you, instead you kept your eyes trained on Kane. 

“Y/N, who’s this? Do you know him?” Kane asked, not letting go of your shoulders. You nodded, but still didn’t turn to face Poe. 

“Y/N, please.” Poe pleaded. You could hear the hurt in his voice, and wondered if it came close to the amount of hurt you had felt in his absence. 

You slowly turned around. 

It startled you how much he had changed in those five years. His face had hardened, losing any hint of innocence. He seemed tired, yet exuded his usual joyful aura at the same time. You could still see the boy you had fallen in love with, deep beneath this new pilot, but you weren’t sure if the two were at all the same person. 

“Poe.” It was the first time you had said his name aloud in five years. It had rattled around in your head, and had been stuck in your lungs. It had clawed at the back of your throat as you had wrapped your arms around yourself and cried, but you had never said it. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

Poe seemed amused at that, “I can’t say I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Well you found me.” Your mouth stayed in a flat line, and your hands twitched in agitation. 

Poe cleared his throat, glancing from you to Kane, “I was hoping to talk to you.” 

You looked past him at two girls pushing a cart through the street, the last thing you wanted to do was look at him. “I thought you had said everything there was to say that night on the beach. 

Poe sighed, letting his chin fall to his chest before looking back up at you. “Listen, I know that what I did hurt you, but I really would like to talk to you today,” he looked back to Kane, “alone.” 

You just nodded, “Okay, come with me.” 

“So, who is he?” Poe asked, kicking at rock in front of him as he walked, his hands in his pockets.

“Kane? Kane was my fiancé.” You answered.

He pretended not to be bothered by that. “So you loved him?”

You laugh abruptly, startling him, “No, my mother wished for me to marry him. She had grand dreams for me and-” you stopped yourself, “for me. She had grand dreams for me.” You finished, letting your voice trail off.

“She must have hated me.” Poe chuckled mirthlessly.

“She did,” you agreed, “she was so angry when you left. She thought you were leaving me just like my father left her, but then we found Kane, and everything was supposed to be alright.” You sighed, looking up at the sky.

“I feel like you’re not telling me something.” Poe frowned. You looked pointedly at the ground, ignoring his gaze.

“I have something I need to show you.”

You turned the corner, reaching the cemetery grounds.

“Why did you bring me here?” He asked, confused. You shook your head, and took his hand, secretly cherishing the way it felt being back in yours. You took your time walking up to your family plot, reading the names on the graves you passed as you went. When you reached the small fenced area, you unlocked the gate, holding it open for Poe. You stopped at your mother’s grave first.

“She just wanted the best for me. That’s all she ever wanted. When Adira died, it broke her heart. She only lived for a month after the funeral.” You whispered, letting your fingers trace over the cool stone.

“Y/N, who’s Adira?”

You stepped away from the gravestone, walking to the back of the small plot. When you got there, there was a small grave stone, the shape of a rose engraved into it, and a single date written on it under a name. You took a seat beside it.

“My mother didn’t want it to be a scandal, so as soon as we found out she went looking for a man who would be okay with it. She found Kane, and we agreed to tell people that he was the father.” You explained, your voice becoming thick with the threat of tears. “I didn’t approve of it, I thought that a child deserved to know who their real father was, but my mother insisted it would be better if I married Kane after the baby was born and pretended nothing ever happened.”

You put your hand on the cold stone, a small smile coming to your face.

“She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, Poe. I was so happy when I held her in my arms for the first time.” You looked up at him for the first time since you had reached the gravestone. His expression was pained and confused.

“I never wanted to let her go; I never should have let her go.”

He sat down beside you, letting his hand move to trace the letters on the stone.

“Adira Ina Dameron.” You said, your voice filled with emotion. “Once I had seen her I wouldn’t let them put Kane’s last name on the birth certificate. She looked just like you. She was so curious, big brown eyes and a full head of hair as soon as she was born.”

Poe was practically shaking beside you, his breaths labored. “What happened?”

You shook your head. “The nurses had come to take her in to run tests. She was very small. and was struggling, so I let them take her, figuring everything would be fine.” You took a deep breath, “But while she was away from me, the first order staged an attack on the city. It’s not unusual for them to attack here because of the training bases, so the hospital has certain protocol to protect the newborns from being taken for stormtrooper training. Unfortunately the protocol failed Adira; one of the nurses tried to hide her and the other babies, but they wouldn’t stop crying. The troopers took about half of the children, the ones who had no health defects, and killed the rest. Adira was early, so she was dealing with a lung problem. They decided it was reason enough to kill her.” You were crying in earnest now, fingers practically clutching at the hard stone.

“I shouldn’t have let her go.” You sobbed.

You felt Poe shift and pull you onto his lap, falling apart with you.

“You couldn’t have known. You were just trying to help her.” Poe said, his voice thick with tears. You sat together for a few minutes, holding each other.

“She was early for a reason.” You said, wiping your eyes, and turning to look at Poe. He looked utterly devastated, his eyes bloodshot from crying and his hands shaking.

“Why?” He croaked.

“Adira was a twin, she has a brother.”

Poe pulled back, looking alarmed. “What?” 

You moved away from him, folding your hands in your lap. “I had twins, Adira was the first one born, and then her brother Ara.” 

“Is he okay, is he with you?” Poe asked, afraid for his son. 

“Ara lives with me and Kane. He’s with Kane’s sister right now.” You answered, your heart swelling at the thought of your little boy. “He stayed with me through the attack; they hadn’t taken him out of the room yet, so he survived.” You let your head fall and focused on your hands once again. “I don’t think I would have survived without him.” 

Poe reached out, his fingers barely brushing against the skin of your upper arm. “I would like to meet him.” 

“I don’t know if I want you to.” You said, suddenly angry. “You left me. You left me with a broken heart, and a responsibility to two lives. I lost you, I lost my daughter, and I lost my mother all in a year. I was barely a mother to Ara after he was born because of the sadness I felt. It took months for me to recover.” You paused, looking back at your daughter’s grave, “You abandoned me, and now you just want to walk back into my life. How do I know that you won’t take off again and never come back? How will I know that Ara won’t have to face the same pain I did when my father left?” 

“So he doesn’t know about me?” Poe asked. 

“He knows that his father is in the resistance, and that he keeps us safe. I haven’t told him anything else. Kane acts as a father to him, he has given us a safe place to live, and protection from anything that may aim to harm us. I am forever indebted to him for that.” 

When you looked up, tears were falling down Poe’s face again. “I’m sorry for leaving you here; I’m sorry for not coming back, and not providing for you. I love you. You must know that.” He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry that I never got to meet our daughter, and that I haven’t been here for our son, but you can’t deny that he is my child. I should be able to see him.” 

“No.” You said, locking eyes with him. “I will not allow it. You ruined me when you left, Poe. I thought I was dying. I had never felt a pain so terrible. When I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to be strong, and I was.” You could feel yourself starting to break down, “I was so strong, Poe. I was ready to marry a man I didn’t love so that my children would have good life, but when I saw them, all I could think of was you. I was given a gift, a reason to live, and you still haunted me.” You were crying in earnest now. “There were times when I would take Ara to play with the other children, and I would imagine what it would be like to walk there with you, Ara on your shoulders. I would imagine what it would have been like if me loving you would have been enough for you at least to want to come back. That summer didn’t have to be the end. You could have shipped off, but still have been mine. You made your choice.” You took a deep breath, “And now I’m making mine. You are not allowed to see Ara.” 

You stood up, dusting off your dress before pulling a piece of paper from your pocket and handing it to Poe. It was a picture, creased and torn at the edges. “I am not so cruel that I would not let you know what he looks like; he reminds me more of you every single day.” Poe observed the child in the photo: a boy of about four with dark curls, and a face identical to Poe’s as a child. The only thing that different were his eyes. Your eyes stared back at Poe as he looked at the photo of his child. 

“He will only ever hear good things of his father, Poe. He will love and admire you. Know that.” 

With that, you walked away. 

When you reached Kane’s sister’s small home you let yourself in, taking in the smell of the candles she always had burning. 

“Y/N, you’re back! Have you seen my brother?” Malena asked, kissing you on the cheek. You returned the greeting with a smile. 

“I haven’t seen him since the festival. I took a small walk and we got separated.” You explained. 

She smiled, “Ah, well, I’m glad your back. Someone will be excited to see you.” She stepped away, calling down the hall, “Ara! Your mother is home!” She shouted. She laughed when the four and a half year old came running down the hall. 

“Mama!” He cried, launching himself into your arms. 

“Hello, love.” You said, holding him close. “How was your day, little bug?” You asked, touching your finger to the tip of his nose playfully. 

He smiled, his nose scrunching up as he batted away your hand, “I’m not a bug, Mama!” He giggled. 

“You’re my little bug.” You said, standing up and lifting him into your arms. “Oh, and a heavy bug at that. Have you grown since I left this morning?” 

“No, Mama, I just played with aunt Malena.” He looked over your shoulder, “Is Uncle Kane with you?” 

“No, baby, but he’ll be home soon. Go get washed up for dinner.” 

The next few days flew by. Your life was in constant chaos. Between running your mother’s old business, and taking Ara to school, you simply had no time. 

Ara was skipping along side you a week after the festival when he stopped, pulling at your hand. 

“Mama, look, it’s my friend!” He exclaimed, trying to pull you in the direction he was pointing. 

“Which one?” You asked, trying to keep up in the crowd of people. 

“The one who’s been coming to school this week. He’s been talking to our class and he eats lunch with me everyday!” 

Ara let go of your hand, running up to his friend and attaching himself to the man’s leg. When you saw his face you froze. 

“Hey, buddy!” Poe said, bending down to give Ara a high five. “How are you?” 

“I’m good! I’m just going home now, my Mama came and got me.” He explained, motioning to you. 

“Ara, why don’t you go ask Mr. Deela to give you a bag of the pink treats you like so much, huh? I’m going to talk to your friend for a moment.” You said, handing your son the money. 

“Alright, Mama. Do you want some?” 

You smiled, kissing his forehead, “It’s okay, bug, you deserve them for being so good in school this week. Now run along.” You said, giving him a gentle push in the right direction. You watched him run over to the stand before turning your attention to Poe. 

“I told you you weren’t allowed to see him.” You said, crossing your arms. 

“He just so happens to be in the class I’ve been talking to about the resistance.” Poe explained. 

“You’re the best pilot in the galaxy, don’t you have something better to be doing?” You asked. 

Poe sighed, “Look, I just wanted to get to know him. He’s a great kid.” 

“Poe, Ara gets attached quickly. He has a heart too big for his body, imagine what’s going to happen when you leave. Now imagine what would happen if you left and he knew the truth.” You looked back at your son, who was running back over to you. 

“Mr. Poe, do you want one?” He asked, holding a candy out for Poe to take.

Poe smiled, shaking his head, “No, it’s okay, bud. You eat them.” 

Ara smiled, looking back to you, “See, he’s really nice, Mama, just like I told you.” 

“I know, baby, why don’t you say goodbye?” You suggested. 

Ara walked over, throwing his arms around Poe’s legs. “Bye, I’ll see you at school, okay?” He said, looking up at the man. You could tell how much Ara loved Poe already. 

Poe smiled, “Of course, buddy.” 

You took Ara’s hand, flashing Poe a small smile before turning to walk home. 

The attacks came late at night. 

You were woken up by a loud explosion shaking the house and you got up immediately, running towards Ara’s room. When you got there, Ara was sitting on his bed, his stuffed wookie in his arms. He looked up at you, tears in his eyes. 

“Mama, what’s happening?” He asked. 

“I don’t know, baby, but it’s going to be okay.” You assured him, picking him up and letting him cling to you as you carried him through the house. You found Kane in the living room, looking out the window. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s the first order.” He said solemnly. “We need to get out of here.” You followed Kane out of the house and down the dirt path that lead into the jungle. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been walking before you were found. 

The stormtroopers took Kane down easily, but you put up a fight, running from them as fast as you could with Ara in your arms. They shot at you, hitting you in the leg and causing you to fall, cradling Ara so he wouldn’t get hurt. 

They dragged you back into the city, Ara still clinging to you. 

You could see the resistance fighters trying to hold them off. 

You spotted Poe in the mix. 

“Poe!” Your voice was hoarse, but loud. “Poe!” You couldn’t stop shaking. You had never been more terrified. “No, let go of me!” You screamed, “Poe!” 

He finally turned to look at you, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Y/N!” He called back, running towards you as you were dragged closer and closer to the ship. 

“Help us!” You cried, fighting against the trooper holding you. “Please!” 

“I’m coming!” He yelled, racing toward you. 

The last thing you saw before you blacked out was Poe’s devastated face as the ship’s loading dock swung shut.


	3. Part Three

You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt warm. Everything had been cold for so long. 

You pulled the regulation clothing tighter around you, clinging to any heat left in your body. Your lungs seemed to rattle around in your chest, and you could feel the snow on your eyelashes, weighing them down. How you wished for the warm beaches of your home planet. 

“L-46, return to work.” The stormtrooper on duty ordered. L-46: the first letter of your city followed by the order in which you had come off the transport ship. Your new identity. 

You did your best to ignore the cold and go back to work, scraping at the barren dirt of the planet in order to clear a pad for the construction of another building. They would have you work until your hands blistered, then you would continue to work until the sun went down and caused the temperatures to drop even lower, sealing the blisters on your hands under a layer of frost. Only when they became concerned about you losing fingers would they let you go inside, allowing you to shuffle through the stark white halls and fall onto the mattress pad they had laid out in your small room. 

The next morning you would wake at dawn and do it again. 

The only thing that kept you going was Ara. The work you did was meant for the male prisoners, but you had agreed to take Ara’s spot if he could take the job meant for you cleaning the base. You couldn’t imagine the little boy out in the cold, nor would you let him suffer the long hours you did. He was only a child. All that mattered to you was that he was healthy, and that he continued to smile. 

When you got back to the room that night, Ara was still awake, drawing on one of the scraps of paper you had managed to sneak out of the bin. 

“Mama, look! I drew a picture of us, and Uncle Kane, and Aunt Malena, and all my friends-” The boy trailed off, happily naming off the figures. You pulled him onto your lap, placing a kiss on top of his head. 

“That’s wonderful, bug, who’s that at the end?” 

“Mr. Poe.” Ara answered quietly. 

“Ara-” You warned. 

He interrupted you, “Mama, he’ll save us, I know it. We’ll get to go home, and you won’t be sick anymore!” 

“Bug, listen to me,” you said softly, stroking his dark curls, “I’m just fine right now. I want you to get some rest, okay? You can’t talk about the resistance and Mr. Poe to anyone but me. If someone else hears, we’ll get in trouble.”

“What kind of trouble?” The little boy asked.

You shivered thinking of what would happen if they knew about your connection to Poe.

“Big trouble, bug, big trouble.”

Time went on that way; you would work and wait, and Ara would whisper pleas long into the night, waiting for a man he didn’t know was his father to come and save him. 

And then one day you were brought before a room of men. They asked you questions about your son and about your past. You refused to say anything more than what you had told them upon your arrival. 

Then a man stood up, though he hardly looked like a man. His face was covered by a mask, and his black robes hid any trace of humanity. You knew who was addressing you, and it made you realize the trouble you were in. 

“Ren? What do you see?” The general asked, his steely gaze focused on the man you could feel digging around in your head. You closed your eyes and scraped at your temples as the pain became worse. 

“The pilot. The one who escaped. She is his lover, and the child is his.” The man explained. Your eyes shot open, fear evident in them. 

There was no way you were ever escaping now. 

L-46. Your name was L-46 and you were a worker. You had a duty to the first order. This was your life. It had been your life since you were little. There was nothing else. 

You reported every morning. Went back to your quarters every night. You worked, you slept, you trained. 

You were on your way to becoming an officer. General Hux seemed to favor you to his other workers. 

Your duty was to the first order.

Your duty was to the first order. 

Your duty was to the first order. 

You walked down the hall, your uniform in pristine condition. It wasn’t as nice as the officer’s but you took pride in it. As you made your way through the halls of the base you could see one of the labor crews making their way towards you. You nodded at the supervisor respectfully, and continued walking, until you felt a pair of hands grabbing at your pleated uniform pants. 

“Mama!” The child didn’t look familiar, but you could tell he was one of the slaves taken from one of the many planets the first order raided. His dark curly hair fell in his grubby face. “Mama, please!” The child seemed to be begging you to recognize him. 

You didn’t have a child. 

Your duty was to the first order. 

The supervisor walked over, pulling the boy away from your legs and throwing him to the floor. The child started to wail louder. 

“I’m sorry, he’ll be disciplined.” You nodded, satisfied with the decision. 

“See to it.” 

You continued to walk, leaving the child sobbing behind you. 

The reflective metal of your workplace seemed to taunt you, replaying the image of the little boy over and over again. Who was he? Why did he think you were his mother?

You looked down, pulling the glove off of your hands to reveal the scars that decorated your fingers. What were they? Why couldn’t you remember getting them? Why were there so many holes in your memory? 

Your thoughts were interrupted when the room you were in shook. Your co-workers looked at each other, shocked. They barely had time to move before the alarm went off and orders were being given. 

In the hallway you did your best not to be shoved to the floor as people ran from station to station, trying to fight off the attackers. The resistance had come. 

You would fight until the last man had fallen, or at least that’s what General Hux had told all of you. The resistance were already starting to pull back, which meant that you may not have to, but Hux still handed you a blaster and sent you out to fight in the cold. 

You shot down two resistance fighters before someone managed to notice you in specific. They narrowed their eyes and then ran towards you, obviously having no intention to shoot. 

You however, had every intention to shoot, but your terrible training and shaking hands didn’t help you at all, and soon you were hit in the head and knocked unconscious. 

You awoke in handcuffs, and in a concrete room, a mirror taking up most of the wall you were facing. You could hear a conversation outside. 

“She’s not the same, Poe. She doesn’t even remember her son. You heard what the boy said.” 

“She can be brought back, I know she can. Just give me a chance, okay?” The other man, Poe, pleaded. You were sure they were talking about you, but you weren’t sure what they meant. 

A moment later the door opened, revealing one of the men. He looked startlingly like the boy who had called you Mama. 

“Y/N.” He greeted. 

You flinched involuntarily, “What?” 

“Y/N that’s your name-” 

“My name is L-46, I am-” 

“No,” He interrupted, “no it’s not. Your name is Y/N L/N. You come from a bustling city that sits a couple of miles in from the beach. That’s where you learned to swim. It’s where you grew up. It’s where we met, and it’s where you raised our son.” 

“I don’t know you,” you argued, “and I don’t have a son.” 

Poe sighed, “You do know me, and we do have a son. His name is Ara, he had a twin sister named Adira. She was killed by the first order shortly after she was born. She’s buried not far from your mother.” 

You shook your head, “No, no, no, I was taken from my parents when I was young, like any first order operative.” 

“Y/N, you were never apart of the first order, you lived in a resistance city, you fell in love with a resistance pilot, you were captured by the first order.” 

“A resistance pilot,” you scoffed, “is that supposed to be you?”

“Yes. You fell in love with me, and I left you. I wasn’t good to you, but we love each other.” 

“I don’t even know your name!” You yelled. 

“Poe Dameron.” As soon as the last syllable fell from his lips a blinding pain erupted near your temple. It was like you could feel them in your head again. You didn’t know who they were, you just knew you had felt like this before. Why was this happening to you? Why did it hurt so bad?

“Y/N? Y/N!” Poe was trying to get your attention, but you just kept shaking your head, begging him to go away. Finally, guards came through the doors, escorting him out. 

The next time you woke up, you were in the med bay. Your head felt like it was about to explode and you couldn’t even see straight. 

When the world stopped spinning, your eyes landed on the only other person in the room, a girl. She was younger than you, and her hair was pulled back into three small buns. A lightsaber hung at her side. 

“Who are you?” You croaked. 

“My name is Rey. I’m here to help you.” 

“I don’t need your help.” Your voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard after all the screaming you had done. 

“He got inside your head and made you forget them, but I’m going to help you, okay?” Rey reassured. She approached you, and you went to push her away but found that your arms were strapped down. 

She placed a hand gently on your temple and all of a sudden you were on a different planet, running through the streets. 

You were shorter, and the people you were with were children, so you gathered that you were a child as well. 

You heard a voice float above the constant noise of the markets. Your mother. She was calling you back to her. 

The scene changed, you were at the feast welcoming the new resistance recruits. A pair of brown eyes met yours, and you glanced at your hands which rested in your lap. 

Change. You were sitting on the beach with the boy who you had seen before. He was kissing your neck, and you were laughing, trying to shake him off as he teased you. He finally stopped, laughing as well. You kissed him gently. 

Change. Pain, so much pain as you cried out in the hospital bed. Your mother was there, and another man. They were encouraging you, promising you it was going to be alright. Then a child cried, and you were passed a baby. Your baby. She was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. She had his brown eyes. 

Change. A funeral. A small casket placed deep below the ground. A baby in your arms as you watched your other child laid to rest. 

Change. Chaos. Running through the woods. Stormtroopers taking you onto the ship. Seeing him in the fight. Calling his name. His eyes searching for you. Despair. 

Change. Kylo Ren in your head. Promising that you wouldn’t remember. Telling you to forget. Making you forget your son. Making you forget Poe. Poe, who was coming back for you. He would come back for you. 

You were back in the room with Rey, your chest rising and falling rapidly. 

“Hey, you’re alright.” She soothed, trying to calm you down. 

“Ara! Where’s my son? Where is he, oh my god, Ara.” You were crying now, tears running down your cheeks as you remembered how you had treated him, how they must have treated him. 

“He’s with Poe. I can call for them, but I need to know you’re alright first.” 

You took a deep breath, although it was still shaky. “I’m alright.” 

She looked you over one more time, before raising a small device to her lips. 

“Poe,” She looked back at you and smiled, “she’s back.”


End file.
